Winning Over Negative Self-Talk

All day long negative self-talk is playing in the background of my mind. There was a point in my life where I didn’t know that was happening. All I knew was that I can be happy one moment and often so easily become sad the next moment. And then once I get sad or feel depressed, it was hard for me to get out of it. Sometimes I would keep myself busy with tasks, noise, music, but it would still “get” me–the negative self-talk and then bring my spirit down. 

And not only negative self-talk, but fear, anxiety, and worry. A thought will scare me or an anxiety will take over. And honestly, I just hated not having power over all this negativity. 

I don’t know where to start, but things started to change for me and I started to have power over this negativity. I even got to a point where I can choose to feel good or bad. That was totally out of the question until recently.

Switch from Isolation to Connection

I think one big change was switching from living an isolated life to a life with real relationships and connections. Although I knew a lot of people, I was hardly emotionally connected with people. There’s a whole back story to that, but I’m not gonna get into that right now. When I intentionally set out to emotionally connect with people and let them in my life and let myself in their lives, I couldn’t keep my struggles to myself anymore. I wasn’t battling these negative thoughts on my own. Somehow naturally in conversation, people whom I’ve become familiar with would ask how I’m doing. After the usual small talk, if we were still chatting or hanging out, other less superficial topics would come up and we’d talk about the deeper issues. I would realize I wasn’t alone. They’d share they experience that too and even share what they do about it. All of a sudden that isolation and assault from negative thoughts couldn't happen. I wasn't alone anymore. These connections strengthened me. I was no longer helpless to this pattern of being brought down by negativity, lies, weakness, and shame. 

Fighting Stance

Another change was taking a fighting stance against the negativity and its pattern of bringing me down. I have this book I read when I start thinking and saying negative things about myself. Or if a person or situation got me down and I’ve become stuck in shame or guilt. It’s not the coolest looking book, but it’s jam-packed with empowerment. I actually bought it on a day I was being beaten up by failure and the negative thoughts I’ve allowed to let run wild in my mind was bringing me down. Sadly, this was just a common experience in my life. The book is jam-packed with quick reads that remind me who I am and my purpose in life. It teaches me that all people make mistakes and we get second chances. As many chances as needed actually. And that we get to learn and be stronger and be better equipped for all we have to do. This book has been so instrumental in strengthening my inner life that I bought another one to give as a gift to whoever may need it. I just recently gave it to someone and I was so happy to pay it forward. It’s called “I am, I have, I can” by Jake and Keith Provance. 

Body Awareness

Lastly, ever since becoming aware that I was almost always thinking negative thoughts or feeling negative. Again, I had no clue of it. How is that possible, I have no clue, but it was the situation for me. And then finding freedom once I opened my life up to people. Since these good things are now my new life, I’m so aware of when negativity is trying to creep in. I’m become immersed in the good life that I actually can feel in my body and other senses when something negative is trying to come into my system. This has been huge in my life because I have a way of detecting it before it’s in and spreads and brings me down again. That “feeling” is my sign to reach out to a friend, read my little handy dandy book (it’s always near me or in my bag), or journal. 

I don’t think we ever need to allow these negative thoughts to harm us like it used to. Of course I’m not perfectly happy all of the time. That wouldn't be normal. I used to put on a happy face all the time and that in itself is negative and exhausting. But I’m so grateful that I have this new practice of detecting when I’m about to be taken down by some negative thought and being able to choose to let it in or do something about it to keep it out. Because I don't want to be stuck all the time anymore: I want to carry on with the life I now love and be present for my loved ones.